Hello, my name is Olaf Gradin and I’m a close, personal friend of one Spazzmanda. I’ve been invited to come out of the woodwork and fill in some details around the choice to name me officiant in the up-and-coming wedding. It’s an honor I do not take lightly, though a little levity never hurt anyone! To start things out, let’s take a look back at 2007 when the dice roll produced an opportunity…
Early in 2007, I read of an amazing new twist on the conservative world of religious process – online ordination! Who would have thought that the time-honored traditions of our nations churches were finally rewritten as handy web forms. There are two sides to this humorous anecdote. On one side, I found the idea of ordination being reduced to a demeaning level of shallow formality ridiculous. The notion simply sealed the coffin in my perception of the establishment of modern religious practices. I’ve had an interest in theology for many years, and philosophic wisdom has given me providence from early on. However, the rich tapestries woven through history’s memory of these things is not the stuff of our modern world. On the other hand, there is a certain respect given to clergy for their services to humanity; spiritual guidance and philosophical wisdom. I want to serve society; I want to earn this respect. It’s something I’m willing to work for to do my part in leaving this world a better place than I entered. So there’s one part cynicism, one part honesty; and in the end, an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.
So there I was, seeking out an online ordination site to see what this was all about, and whether or not there was any truth to it. Enter Universal Life Church of Modesto, California. It was a quick search to turn them up as the predominate source of the online ordination ring, though today there’s a much larger spread of churches offering the service – many at a fee. The church is certainly the most non-offensive religious group I know of. Here’s a statement right out of their charter:
The Universal Life Church has no traditional doctrine. We as an organization believe in that which is right. Each individual has the privilege and responsibility to determine what is right for themselves, as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others. We do not stand between you and your God. We are active advocates of the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America.
And with that, I gave them my information (in a simple online form) to grant me ordination rights as a minister and representative of the Universal Life Church. Just a few short days later, it was confirmed via email. Simple and modern!
So even though I found it funny and a little ironic that I was then an ordained minister, there was a nagging thought in the back of my head that acknowledged that I just might one day find real use in this. Perhaps I may one day be called upon to marry somebody.
Three years later, this whole process is no longer in the forefront of my thoughts. I never forgot that I was ordained, but I didn’t really imagine it ever getting used at this point.
Despite this, I am asked to perform Jeff and Amanda’s wedding in the coming Fall. I’m floored and even a little skeptical that this is real. Ultimately, I accept graciously and begin my research into my ordination and legal requirements for marriage ceremonies in the state of Georgia. It turns out, there aren’t really any hard requirements to fill. The ceremony should take place by someone named a minister by a church…any church.
Officiant: Any minister who is authorized by his or her church may perform marriages. Ministers must complete a certificate of marriage and return it to the ordinary within 30 days after the marriage.
The one thing I wanted to be sure of at this time is that my ordination is really valid. I couldn’t find my original verification, so I contacted every ULC office I could find. I ultimately got in touch with the Modesto church and spoke with the president, Andre Hensley, who was able to confirm the date of my ordination, as well as other detailed information on my request form. I have my proof, should I need to demonstrate this to the county clerk’s office for the location in which Jeff and Amanda will be married.
So here I am, planning for this really big event in two people’s lives, in which I play an integral part to their future as a married couple. No pressure, it’s all going to be good!
Having been faced with this task, I’ve returned to my thoughts of ordination with a more serious tone to be able to answer the questions or condescending remarks that inevitably lie on the horizon of any conversation on this matter. I include here a message of my thanks to Amanda for her inclusion of me in this momentous event in her life:
…while I had originally gone for ordination as a mockery to the “system,” I see it as something of honor and value in the present context. I am truly touched that you and Jeff would ask me to marry you – it’s a sign of trust, love, and respect that I have never received from friends before. I enter into the assignment with the utmost reverence to the position; regardless of the petty details of how it came to be. It could be said, and I would be one to say it, that ordination rights are not bestowed upon an individual by an institution, but rather by the request of the betrothed.
In conclusion, I’m looking forward to the not-so-distant Fall in which I will be performing this ceremony for two of my best friends on Earth. There’s precious little time to finalize my plans for the 3-hour ceremony I have planned (everyone will remain standing), but I’ve nearly completed the 3rd volume of wedding union allegories that I plan to interweave into my message of subservience and property allocations for the newly weds. But seriously, many of you may wonder just what kind of ceremony I do have planned. It won’t be a traditional reading, as you may have guessed, but rather something from the heart; something that I feel really stages the story of what will be in their new lives together!
