I went out with this lady again last week.
To Chilis of course, we should buy stock.
Lord have mercy. My Mamama is a pistol. She begins the night with telling me of her attempt to play Scrabble. Now, she has run through two crossword puzzle dictionaries in the past three years due to her affinity for words. But she didn’t like Scrabble.
?
I know! It would seem she didn’t realize that the words could be joined. She said she didn’t think she would go play again. I reiterated that now that she knows the rules and she is such a word smith she could CLEAN UP and kick some serious old lady booty at the next Scrabble competition. MMM responded with, “Well… there was this woman…”
Aw Crap. I take a sip of my wine and say, yeah, well, there always is.
“And she said she had something she wanted to tell us.” (Here I can just see these old biddies leaning in, craning their necks, turning up their hearing aids to not miss a single juicy morsel of what was about to come.)
-the woman confessed, “I think my mother was illigetimate.”
Silence.
MMM says, “I don’t know what that makes her, a bastard twice removed?” (Ba-dum-bum- CHING!)
Oh, and the stories, they got even better! Do you remember a few weeks ago and it got, like, totally COLD? I mean, for Georgia, really, really cold, you can wear all your hand knit stuff at the same time and the wind still cuts through you ? Well, that was the day that MMM had her lunch date with the Red Hat Ladies. (She didn’t wear a read hat because she has a history of being a social deviant. Remind me to tell you about the time she was in high school and she and a bunch of other girls wore jeans to school and got sent home. Scandalous I tell you. You’d never guess who the instigator of THAT was.)
I digress. Well, she was waiting in line to get on the bus with all the hat women and the handicapped were getting on first, not to mention it was COLD and WINDY. (Can you see where this is going?) One woman just had surgery, she gets on, the other had a sore toe, allowed to board, and then my Nana here says “I had my tonsils out.” And gets her clearance for early passage to the confines of an idling, toasty bus.
I look at her. I tilt my head. She laughs… “Well, they didn’t ask me when.”
(Tonsils, removed, like try 1937.)
Devilish I tell you.
