Spazzmanda

I have been knitting, I swear… just more slowly and with less progress, but I have selected some ambitious projects, I’m trying not to sweat it. I ordered the kit from Knit Picks for Mr. Foster the sock monkey (with the cute little pj’s!) Well, I’ve finished the monkey, now I’m working on his clothes, but it is about to be summer,maybe I’ll make him a little mankini or something.

Here is my monkey, Osvaldo:

Do you want to touch my monkey? He won’t mind.

I had some professional portraits of my Mother and Grandmother for a Mother’s Day gift this year. Now, the little old lady wasn’t really “into” it, she griped when I suggested the idea back in March. She bitched when I set the date last month, “I’m not going to buy any.” She complained when I told her what I thought she should wear (even though she asked me previously that week.) She grumped in the car on the way and almost to the moment we got out of the car at the site- “I don’t like to have my picture taken.” But for Fox, she was on her best behavior. In fact, the word ‘lovely’ might be applicable in this case and we were able to steal a few special moments like this one:

(Mamama gets a cookie for being the only one looking at the camera and apparently being REALLY funny.) And another of my personal favorites, this is about right:

I am truly blessed to have a talented photographer in the framily. I’m so glad that I made this happen, documenting our relationship in this way is going to be even more special and meaningful in the future (it’s special and meaningful now!) I highly recommend that if you have the slightest inclination to do a family portrait, go ahead and make it a reality immediately. You’ll thank yourself.

I also highly recommend that if you need a photographer, you call on my girl Fox at Celestial Photography in Gainesville. She has a gift, truly.

Do you like tomatoes? I know I do, and until this year, I’ve relied heavily on my mother’s garden for the production of my summer ‘maters. That was until the Topsy Turvy Tomato Tree came into my life like a bright beacon of hope this Easter courtesy of Jeff. How ever did he know?

Well, I might have said something like “A Topsy Turvy Tree would make a kick-ass Easter present” once or maybe five times. I like to spell things out for him so there is never any confusion.

My reign as a plant killer is coming to an end. Somehow this year will be different. This year, I won’t kill another tomato plant. This year I’ll have a tomato harvest of my own, and YES! this year I’ll have to GIVE the suckers away, they will be that plentiful.

Check out my TTTT (I have two, you know.)

Ok, so they aren’t the exact ones from the infomercial. The one that was, like, $60 bucks AND another $20 in shipping and handling (I’ll have MY tomato tree un-handled please. Perverts.) It did, however, come with its own stainless steel stand and could hold three plants. Maybe next year I’ll upgrade to the fancier pot, but I’m pretty happy with these two.

This is the modified version available at Walgreens, CVS, Walmart, just about everywhere I look actually. It holds one plant per unit (tee hee, I said unit) we were smart and planned on it getting very heavy (i.e. read a review with warnings about anticipating the weight of the plant, dirt and a billion tomatoes) and hung them on 200lb hooks from my porch. I water daily (or, at least, Jeff does) and we (meaning he) fertilize them every 10 days or so. There is a root explosion going on inside, I just know it, and little yellow flowers all over them (I heretell that’s a good thing) and they are at least twice the size they were a week ago, thank heavens for all the rain. This sucker is going to work, I tell you. It was written up as a top invention in Reader’s Digest and all that crap, there are photos of lush tomato plants with lots of ‘maters all over these here internets, so I know, I KNOW it will work.

I’m so excited.

And my T-Turv can’t hide it!

I’m about to lose control and I think I like it (oh yeah!)

To continue with the Mother-themed posts for Mother’s Day week, here is a fantastic photo of my mother from the recent photo shoot with my mother and grandmother courtesy of Fox at Celestial Photography (her photos of us are so awesome, more to follow on that later.)

One look at this face and suddenly, I get the feeling that I’ve missed curfew. Or I forgot to unload the dishwasher or mow the lawn (tee hee.)

She obviously doesn’t approve of something… Foxy, what DID you say to her that made her shoot you “the look.”

Fun Fact Number 1:

Mycurrent vehicle was purchased from an actual old lady and I like to drive it slowly anywhere I need to go. (I also will make 3 right turns to avoid turning left on a busy road or intersection, a point on which I was busted on just this very weekend by my man. He was very amused.)

Fun Fact Number 2:

THIS is one of my best friends:

Fun Fact Number 3:

I have cats. Errr, several, in fact.

Fun Fact Number 4:

I like to knit. If I were not employed, everything in the house would be donning some sort of ‘cozy’.

Fun Fact Number 5:

I listen to Neil Diamond (and I know all the words.) I sing Neil’s songs with wild abandon and without a care in the world nor any notice of the fact that I lack any discernible musical skill. (Love you, Neil.)

Fun Fact Number 6:

I have a leopard print trench coat.

And I wear it.

Fun Fact Number 7:

I scare/surprise ridiculously easily. (Not sure that I should have shared that one.) I also side-seat drive like A LOT and make various noises of displeasure when Jeff makes vehicular maneuvers that aren’t the least bit old-ladyish.

Fun Fact Number 8:

I like to cook/bake and entertain with the primary purpose of feeding crowds of people, and when they are finished, I thrust more food upon them when they are already full. (Kind of exactly like this lady.)

Fun Fact Number 9:

I have *sob* gray hairs.

Fun Fact Number 10:

I like this song (and the new commercial that goes with it) quite a bit:

When I grow up, I want to be an Old Woman

In honor of Mother’s Day Week, go call or squeeze an old woman today. If you don’t have one, let me know, you can borrow one of mine- but I want her back in just as good or better condition I lent her.

UPDATE: I forgot my most interesting embarrassing LOL (little ol’ lady) factoid! I love infomercials and often buy things ‘as seen on tv.’ (Usually after a sleepless drunken night.) I’d love to have a Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator. I do so adore my Magic Bullet blender/drink maker. Admit it, you’d love to own a Sham Wow. You know you would. I’m pretty much Billy May’s bitch or, at least, I’d like to be.

My most recent items to come into my possession include: Not one but TWO Topsy Turvy Tomato Trees (Jeff got them for me for Easter. The plants are positively THRIVING, so more on the Topsy phenomenon to follow this summer!) A set of hair Bumpits (also working, so far, today) and the Smooth Away hair removal system -which Jeff says is just sandpaper that I could buy at Home Depot for a quarter and that I’m essentially sanding my arm hair and a layer of skin off in the delicate ‘removal’ process and that is why there is some slight “stinging” and mild skin irritation. I told him the infomercial says that it is ‘exfoliating’ for a nice smooth, hair free surface. The jury is still out.

One of my favorite sisters came into town this weekend for an all too brief visit. (I have two almost sisters that I love dearly and how I got to be related to them goes back to that framily construct I spoke of earlier.)

It just so happened to be the weekend of the celebration of Jeff’s birth (so very, very, very long ago) but she, unfortunately, couldn’t stay for the festivities. (more to follow on the birth festivities later.)

She did, however, provide much amusement and ass whoopery (she gets people motivated like no other, I’m glad she’s on my side.) We took our own tour of the new hospital wing on Sunday, I was there to see the art, she (a nurse) was there to ask all the smart questions and look behind doors that we weren’t supposed to. I’ll miss her so much until she next descends upon us in July.

Here’s to you, Kimberly, thanks for making time for us during your very abbreviated stay!

Ever irrecoverably lost luggage on an airline?  Well, apparently, there is this person that collects lost luggage, photographs its contents, places it on a website and tries to find its owner.

Down to each pair of panties and stray sock or flip flop.

Sort of a nasty little hobby, albeit one with seemingly altruistic intentions.

Check it out HERE.

My grandpa stumbled across this online:

Don’t get too excited, it is all the way in North Dakota. So it sparked this online discussion and reminiscence about his family, how good the women were at the cooking and all that great stuff they made in the kitchen and how he wouldn’t be surprised one bit if the origins of this diner weren’t from kinfolk of ours. So I looked them up. And found their menu (maybe this is where I get my deep love and admiration for rootbeer floats?) I also found this lady:

Wait just a minute. You know, she does sort of look like my Dida:

Read the rest of this entry »

We went to a biker bar in Buford this weekend for a hot rod show that Jeff was performing at, opening for the King Daddy Polecats. I am now convinced that I take HORRIBLE photos of his act. I get distracted by the actual tricks (oooh, shiny!) and forget I’m supposed to be taking pictures, and then I snap my shots following the big TA-DAAAAA moment, so I have a bunch of the back of his head. Or him bending over. Or standing with flourished arms al-la David Cop-a-feel.

And then there’s fire.

This one is actually pretty decent, all things considered. And considering how bad the rest of them are. Don’t believe me? Check out this one, I call it “Raise the Roof”

Then we saw these guys, gotta love you a little KDP. They are totally my FAVORITE band to go and see live right now. I always have a good time and a lot of laughs, not to mention, these guys are super nice so that is a bonus.

But my favorite picture of the evening would HAVE to be this one:

More fun than a barrel of monkeys. (Did I mention that I had BEER? I had forgotten that BEER was so fun.)

I know, no blog in long time.  I’ve been buried under work, school, the daily grind is grinding me down to a nub.

But enough about me, do you want to see our entry to America’s Funniest Home Videos?  This is the kitty I’ve been trying (sort of) to get a home for. Her name is Manxie-Moo (we also call her Moo-nanners) and she is … special. She is grumpy and rarely meows, and just sort of bitches all the time. Apparently the weather has effected her skin too, and she has a special itchy spot on her back.  See how she reacts when you scratch it.

(Click on the photo for the link to the video)