Spazzmanda

So, I was having a chat today with my friend Jerry. Not to drop names or anything, but I mean THE Jerry Garcia of Grateful Dead fame.

Well, anyways, I said to Jerry, “Jerry, you seem a bit down. Is there something bothering you?”

Jerry says, “You know, all this rain is just getting to me. Chilling me to the very center of my being.” (Jerry is very, very deep.)

I say, “I  know, the rain really sucks and I really wish it would stop. I saw these earthworms flailing on the pavement today and it realy grossed me out and made me feel so sorry for them.” (I tend to babble when I’m around Jerry or anyone else for that matter.) “I hate to see you so depressed, is there anything I can do?”

Jerry says, “Well, I would like to see the world!”

I got excited because, I, happened to be able to oblige immediately.

“Seeeeee my world, Jerry? Get it, it’s a globe and it lights up and I showed it to you.” Tee hee.

He gave me a look. I knew he was in no mood for my corny sense of humor. He hadn’t had his cocktail yet apparently and didn’t see how dang funny I was being. You see, Jerry can be pretty humerous at times, there was this one time we had a bottle of Jagermeister and a chicken that had fallen off the chicken truck. You see the chicken wasn’t hurt or anything, but then Jerry poured him some of the Jagermeister… needless to say I never drank Jager again after that night. But I guess you had to be there.

Anyways, right now, he was calling me out on my stupid little joke.

Jerry said “I was thinking a change of scenery, like somewhere more warm and near the ocean. Like somewhere in California…”

I then sighed and poured a glass of wine. I knew this day would come. Jerry, you see, wasn’t meant to stay with me forever.

He took a little sip of my wine. (He’s a terrible flirt, but I don’t mind.) I gave his foot an affectionate squeeze.

I say to Jerry, “How does San Francisco sound to you?”

He smiles and squints his eyes, “Groovy.”

I’ll take him to the bus stop this weekend.

For those of you that want to know, pattern: Stitch and Bitch Nation -Henry Rollins torso, Joey Ramone head arms and legs and about 8 hours with some fun fur (don’t  ask.) yarn: total stash bust, but washable so YAY. Going to the arms of a sweet baby girl- the daughter of an old, dear, friend (a hippie who will appreciate the humor of this creation) and his lovely wife whom I have not yet been fortunate enough to meet!

Warning, crude language and misuse of quality curses:

This morning I started the complaint process with a vendor that misrepresented a download of a probably pirated textbook. I’m cheap, and trying to go green and it is an accounting book for a class I’m merely auditing, I thought a digital copy would be, I don’t know, convenient?

Me:

I thought that this was going to be the textbook, (Textbook Title Here.)

Instead, this was the powerpoint presentation for the chapters, which is not entirely useful to me.

I would like a refund please.

Sincerely,

Moi

Them:

hi,you bought the files is not powerpoint presentation for the chapters,it is solution manual or test bank for textbook.

Me:

I understand that now, but it was presented as the textbook.

Am I going to get a refund or am I going to have to take it up with Pay Pal?

Them:

This files is consistent with the description, the product description said it is solution manual or test bank, not textbook,you should see the description before buying, so you agree the describe before you purchase, my file is correct and complete. What you are saying is just an excuse.

Me:

Ok, so insulting your customers is the way you do business and customer satisfaction is not important to you at all.

I will take it up with paypal or my credit card company if necessary (you see, I’ve been a good customer to both organizations and they DO care about how merchants treat me.)

Thank you for being absolutely NO help at all, and have a lovely day.

(Opens PayPal dispute)

Them:

i know you are liar,you steal my files.fuck your mother,watever asshole.

and:

i know you are liar,you steal my files.fuck your mother,watever asshole. i will win,I strongly do not refund, you are an idiot.go away,fuck.

Me:

I didn’t steal your files, they are readily available online.

Also, sir, you may want to be aware that the publisher of this book has no idea you are selling these files.

You should watch yourself. This is no way to do business.

And if you have to resort to cursing and name calling, I’ve already won.

Have a lovely day.

Them:

You are an idiot, the world is on you this idiot, you are a bastard, well, I will give you a refund within 24 hours, you are an idiot. I am a smart person.

I’m comforted that I’m dealing with a smart person here. This would have been a real nightmare otherwise.

Turns out that PayPal does not protect buyers of “Virtual Goods” so I’m most likely out the money  anyways unless CitiCards saves the day or by some miracle the choad actually refunds my money.

Lesson learned.

This just in from Fox, a photo she snapped back in October, we were cleaning up after an event so it was really a bad hair day for the both of us, but somehow, she manages to make us look pretty stinkin’ cute.  If you have not befriended a professional photographer, I highly recommend you do so immediately.

I finished my citron, just in time to wear it hopefully tonight. Going out on a double date for pal Olaf’s birthday. Hey, any excuse to dress like a grown up and go out- even better if it is in celebration of birth!  The shawlette is blocking as we speak, but it is so light and airy I’m sure it will be dry in no time.

I finished this so quickly, only about 2 1/2 weeks because it knit up like butter. The Malabrigo baby lace is by far one of the most decadent fibers I’ve ever worked with. At $10 for one hank it was a great project to use luxury yarn on. I think I’m going to focus on small projects like these with nice yarns, it is very satisfying work. I love the color. I even took a painstaking amount of time  to embellish the row before the ruffle and the bind of edge with glass beads. Had the beading hook I purchased in a kit at SAFF actually worked I wouldn’t have had to use a dental floss threader to slide each and every bead on an individual stitch.  It took me two days to bind off 544 + stitches. I lost count, it was all good though, I think the work will b worth it.

In for a penny, in for a pound, right?

This came in yesterday:

Then my grandpa sent me 4 emails this morning on how to get rid of wrinkles.

Is someone trying to tell me something?

I know that I have established that I may be a little old lady already, but seriously? AA-frickin-R-P?

I’ve been coveting this yarn. It is so very, very sexy. I think that Malibrigo may be my new best friend. So,  I’m making THIS for the spring, in the same color and everything, not because I lack imagination, but because I often bend like a reed to the power of suggestion. Says the shawl “You know you want me….” and I’m all ” yes I do, for you will make my  life complete.”   And then “Faithfully” by Journey plays in my head.  Isn’t that how it goes for you? No? Just me then?

I’ve fallen hard for this yarn and this project, a love I haven’t experienced in a while and I can’t wait to get to work on it in earnest. Uninterrupted. Alone.  Just me and my yarn and my Journey.  But before I’d even let myself cast on, I made myself finished the Palindrome scarf.

Now, don’t get me wrong, knitting with cashmere, and special, special Christmas gifted cashmere is fantastic. And we have a cold pop here in Georgia and I knew it would come in handy this weekend, but I was so damn bored with this pattern I wanted to scream. There’s simple and then there’s a snooze fest and this was that other thing. But I do love the finished product, perfect color, length and the cables are reversible, so that’s pretty cool, not to mention that the cables really enhance the yumminess of the yarn. Overall, I’m pleased with the result (and pleased to be done!) And speaking of reversible cables, if you hate when shawls or scarves have an obvious ‘wrong’ side (which I do) I think the whole reversible concept is really very brilliant. So, one of these days I’m going to make Jeanie (reversible cable and drop stitch shawl.) Because that’s how I roll.

Stay toasty warm this weekend knitting fiends.

Ok, I may have teased a bit. Not MY dress, but my mother’s dress will have to serve as your eyecandy for the day.

My mother, angel, saint, and hot lady that she is was married at the age of 20. The year was 1972 1974. She was fresh as a daisy and it was the 70’s. Gotta love the 70’s. This was wedding number 1 (of 2) and she was so very, very young. Very VERY young. With a teensy ribcage. TEENSIE TINY. Following her wedding, she promptly packed her dress away for the day, YES, that glorious day that her 32 year old daughter would decide to put it on:

and laugh.

I do apologize, it is actually very, very lovely. Abundant with lace (which you know I like;)  and beading. Lots of Lace. LOTS of fabric. Poufy sleeves. And buttons too? I can’t breathe in this thing. Not to mention that it leaves absolutely, positively EVERYTHING to the imagination. I can’t lift my arms and is it hot in here? I feel dizzy. It is oh, so 1972.

You know what? I cherished this day in my grandmother’s home. Because not only was I with my most special of ladies sharing this special memory, it was right after this very moment that I tried on MY dress. There was a moment.

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

For more pictures from the “trying on of Mrs. Rebecca’s dress” you can go see my flickr stuff HERE.

I can’t believe I’ve never told this story before. Probably because I didn’t want to change the names to protect the guilty.

Well, once upon a time I worked for someone that provided a service that rhymes with art restoration as an apprentice/assistant. I won’t delve into that too deeply, it was a year of my life I’ll never get back but ultimately great real world experience that has brought me to the place that I am today… hmmm. Food for later thought.

Anyways, Ms. Harmon had an object d’arte that required the services of my employer. He took a very,very long time before finally shopped it out. (This, I was to find out, was most typical of the way he did things, hence the me leaving after a year.) Meanwhile, I’m answering email and doing other assistant-like things for near minimum wage and she emails me. I think, oh -my-god-Angie-Harmon’s-emailing-me! But ultimately I end up having to stall for more time. I remember specifically saying to her that the object would be shipped “presently.” (Who talks like that? I must have thought it sounded professional and confident.)

Then the unthinkable happened and the subcontractor broke the damn thing in delivery.

Smacks forehead. We were at square one again. And I just couldn’t tell Angie Harmon what had happened. Damn.

Angie was displeased. Angie chewed me out. Angie wanted to know on what planet “presently” meant another month.

Ultimately, she did get her item. She was pleased with the work.

But every time I see her on television, I remember that she’s out there and she hates me.

That’s all.

This is one of the funniest sites I’ve seen in a while.

www.engrish.com

Enjoy today and have a laugh, keep warm tonight a blizzard is apparently heading to North Georgia.

No?

It’s not a blizzard?

Then why, exactly, is everyone FREAKING OUT?