October 24th, 2012 | No Comments »

Has anyone ever heard of the “sweater curse“? It is well-known knitter folklore, that if you knit a sweater for a boyfriend that the relationship is doomed to failure. Probably because knitting clothing for anyone other than a baby (small stuff) or yourself is a real chore.

I’d avoided knitting him a sweater for YEARS because of this curse. I’ve made hats, gloves, scarves- you name it- but never a sweater.  I’ve been Footloose and Fancy-Free and clear avoiding the dreaded sweater.

Then came the day that he reminded me that he’d made an honest woman out of me. (blink blink)

We were married two years ago and dammit the man wants his sweater.

I couldn’t dodge this bullet for much longer.

So I devised a MARVELOUS pull over, the “Cobra” from Son of Stitch and Bitch. A worsted weight boxy, forgiving shape that would be a breeze, right?

That was until I had the great idea to incorporate Star Wars shit. Yup, some nerdy-nerd came up with a fair isle chart for star wars. Once I mentioned it to him, there was no going back.

So I had to learn how to knit fair isle…and it’s not really easy to do so.

I’ve been working on this on and off since JUNE:

nerd sweater

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you want a closer look???

nerdy nerd nerd

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes! Success!!! If I can make another one exactly like it, we’re in business.

And he’d better wear it all.winter.long.

1. Because if he’d let me knit a sweater vest, I’d be finished by now.

2.  Because the yarn calculations in this thing are WAY off and I’ve dropped over $100 in washable wool.

3. Because I’m going to also have to learn how to install a zipper. Any ideas?

4. Because it is a freakin’ sweater for a 40 something year old man with STORM TROOPERS on it.

Enough said.

 

 

Posted in Personal
February 15th, 2011 | 4 Comments »

Ok, so I haven’t posted much since NOVEMBER. I don’t know what to say other than I have been helping to renovate our new home, fretting over the holiday celebrations therein and all in all a baaaaad blogger.

I doubt I have a reader in the world, other than mom, and Babs, ok, and my husband.

That is something that I have been made acutely aware that I never posted!  I done got married on October 3rd.

It was a great day and this would be my favorite picture:

Ok, seriously, maybe this is my favorite picture:

Here is the link to our photo album.

I am constantly asked, almost every day the same question: “SOOOOOOO, How is married life?”

Now what am I supposed to say about that?

After four months, all I can think of  is “WELLLLLLL, it is a lot like shackin’.”

Blank stare, “Pardon???”

“I said, we like the Colonel’s Chicken”.

No, I didn’t actually say this.

Ok, yes, of course I did.

Shakes head vigorously from side to side.

Nods in affirmation knowingly.

I think I may need a nap.

What else?  Well, there are babies falling out of the sky in my world, not me, but there are people having little ones left and right. And I love it, I love it so much. Not much time for knitting, though, my world is busy. I tell the husbeast that the house is almost three times bigger than the apartment and cleaning it is SUCH a chore. I don’t think it is possible for all rooms to be clean at one time, it is just inconceivable!

That is all for now.

Posted in Personal
September 23rd, 2010 | No Comments »

I got a call today from the manager (owner?) at Empire Parking Services. You see, I put my rant into a pretty tidy little nastygram and sent it certified mail to all of the locations listed for the business. “Chris” was actually very nice, professional and asked me what happened. I relayed the story to him in gory detail about how, basically, his technician was a liar-liar-pants-on-fire. Turns out, this guy didn’t follow protocol. Tires of all vehicles with a valid ticket are supposed to be chalked. You can’t just say “your hood was hot” or “your wheels were hot” and boot somebody. He is also going to look into these employees. Because they were rude on top of being liars.

Now, I had requested a full refund, $75 boot removal and the $20 parking fee as I felt I was wrongly accused and held hostage for an hour. He wouldn’t refund the full $95 but will be sending me a check for the boot removal. I’m satisfied, I suppose. Although I spent an additional $15 for certified mail, and numerous days spent fuming over the matter, but it was the principle after all, not the money. Hopefully the check will come and clear and we’ll be done with it. But I wonder, is not taking them to court allowing the company to proceed in this manner? Do they count on the fact that most people, unlike myself, normally just get on with their lives. But no, I had to have my justice.

The moral of this story, children, is don’t park in a parking lot- use a deck whenever possible. Push button. Get ticket. Pay to leave, it is that simple.

Posted in Personal
September 2nd, 2010 | No Comments »

Engagement photos by the talented, beautiful and dazzling Fox of Celestial Studios fame.

j&aphoto4

I had them made into our guestbook. It is bitchin’.

j&aphoto

I think I’m coming down with something icky in my throat.   Feh.

Posted in Personal
August 19th, 2010 | No Comments »

So, did I happen to mention we moved? We’re at least in the house. Living in the basement apartment in what I’ve affectionately learned to call our “love nest.”  Grandmother tells me that we are, in fact, living in “sin.” But since the wedding is only 6 short weeks away, it is really a sinlet. Barely a blemish on my permanent record, really now.

That’s okay, I think she approves.

mmm&j

Oh, in other news… I found my knitting bag. Behind the dollhouse under the mountain of unopened boxes.

I miss my toaster.  I want waffles.

June 28th, 2010 | 2 Comments »

… Our house it has a crowd, There’s always something happening and it’s usually quite loud. Our mum she’s so house-proud, Nothing ever slows her down and a mess is not allowed.

Our house, in the middle of our street- Our House, in the middle of our…

Currently we’re painting, shifting around sister’s things (oh joy) and waiting for the permits to start the renovation maybe this week???

More to follow.

Posted in Personal
April 12th, 2010 | 2 Comments »

I just realized something creepy.  Today for lunch, I brought butternut squash soup (orange), carrot sticks (orange) an orange and if I wanted it later, peach yogurt.

Then I noticed my dress was a print, orange on white.

Something is weird today.

Bet on “orange” today if you can.  I wonder if there is some cosmic number for lottery using the numbers that make up the word “orange”. Hmmm. I’ve got two sets of numbers I’m playing today (up to $110 million folks!)

orange

March 26th, 2010 | No Comments »

I think that the depth of the human soul and one’s capacity for both love and hate can be well defined by a simple story I have to share this lovely spring day.  On Wednesday, Jeff and I were out house hunting. Which is less fun than it sounds, why are real estate agents liars? The first place we stopped had a bonus chicken coup that was mentioned nowhere in the description. I digress, that is a story for another day.

We stopped at this one house that looked to be vacant. I hated the driveway enough to veto on site but Jeff wanted a closer look. He said he was going to knock on the door and see if anyone was home. Which is weird to do, but he is a strange fella so I just stayed behind, applied some chapstick and called my mother, who had just locked her keys in the car and had some time to kill.  A few minutes later, he comes tearing around the house like he is being chased by a rottweiler or someone with a shotgun.

I totally. freaked. out.  I screamed in my mother’s ear and dropped the phone. I don’t know what I was looking for (a weapon?) All I have in the car is an emery board. (Note to self: get a gun.)

I look at his face as he reaches the door and he switches from terror to unabashed amusement. (F&%*ing theater major.) He points at me and laughs as I pick up the phone with my mother on the end hollering “What’s wrong???!!!”

He thought this was terribly entertaining. Two for the price of one.

This would be the third time he’s done something to scare me while I’ve been on the phone with my mother.

Normally, his modus operandi is to simply hide behind something, lie in wait for me to happen by and pop out. Sometimes he is more creative and uses props to frighten me (another story for another day.) Sometimes he scares me without actually meaning to.

Jeff says I scare better than anyone he knows. I make fun noises. But the problem is that now  I’m getting a complex. I’m constantly waiting for him to scare me and I think it is going to make my hair fall out. And there’s nothing worse than a bald bride.

He’s freaking me out.

It’s pissing me off.

Yes, it is kind of funny, but don’t tell anyone I’ve said so.

So, I was mad. Really mad. Really, really mad about the incident. And when we got home, there was this:

and these

Even though we’re going to be moving (hopefully) very soon, he planted my herbs and flowers  because he knows I’d like to sit on the porch and enjoy them.

I’m loving him again. Until the next time he decides to play an evil prank.

Then the gloves are off.

Posted in Personal
March 9th, 2010 | 1 Comment »

Warning, crude language and misuse of quality curses:

This morning I started the complaint process with a vendor that misrepresented a download of a probably pirated textbook. I’m cheap, and trying to go green and it is an accounting book for a class I’m merely auditing, I thought a digital copy would be, I don’t know, convenient?

Me:

I thought that this was going to be the textbook, (Textbook Title Here.)

Instead, this was the powerpoint presentation for the chapters, which is not entirely useful to me.

I would like a refund please.

Sincerely,

Moi

Them:

hi,you bought the files is not powerpoint presentation for the chapters,it is solution manual or test bank for textbook.

Me:

I understand that now, but it was presented as the textbook.

Am I going to get a refund or am I going to have to take it up with Pay Pal?

Them:

This files is consistent with the description, the product description said it is solution manual or test bank, not textbook,you should see the description before buying, so you agree the describe before you purchase, my file is correct and complete. What you are saying is just an excuse.

Me:

Ok, so insulting your customers is the way you do business and customer satisfaction is not important to you at all.

I will take it up with paypal or my credit card company if necessary (you see, I’ve been a good customer to both organizations and they DO care about how merchants treat me.)

Thank you for being absolutely NO help at all, and have a lovely day.

(Opens PayPal dispute)

Them:

i know you are liar,you steal my files.fuck your mother,watever asshole.

and:

i know you are liar,you steal my files.fuck your mother,watever asshole. i will win,I strongly do not refund, you are an idiot.go away,fuck.

Me:

I didn’t steal your files, they are readily available online.

Also, sir, you may want to be aware that the publisher of this book has no idea you are selling these files.

You should watch yourself. This is no way to do business.

And if you have to resort to cursing and name calling, I’ve already won.

Have a lovely day.

Them:

You are an idiot, the world is on you this idiot, you are a bastard, well, I will give you a refund within 24 hours, you are an idiot. I am a smart person.

I’m comforted that I’m dealing with a smart person here. This would have been a real nightmare otherwise.

Turns out that PayPal does not protect buyers of “Virtual Goods” so I’m most likely out the money  anyways unless CitiCards saves the day or by some miracle the choad actually refunds my money.

Lesson learned.

March 8th, 2010 | No Comments »

nds

Posted in Personal, Tirade