Spazzmanda

Greetings humans! I am alive, busy, but alive.  Life is good. Planning a wedding, buying (and renovating) a house, a stressful (but rewarding) job… all my balls are in the air right now.

Which brings me to blog fodder. You’d think I’d have it in abundance. But, unlike other “brides”, I’m uninterested in discussing the details of the big day, the house is still pending so I don’t want to jinx anything. Knitting…. feh.

So I’m going to talk about food. Food is good. This right here is my favorite sammich (currently) inspired by a creation at Einstein Brothers.

Cast of characters: Cream Cheese, Capers (the bigger the better), Smoked Salmon (not pictured: Bagel of preference, a fresh tomato and a red onion- both thinly sliced)

Can I just say, the first person to open a decent bagel shop in Gainesvegas is going to make a killing? Go ahead and toast your favorite bagel. I prefer a whole wheat bagel, the more “authentic” the better, bagels should be chewy and delightful, but crusty. First, slather with regular cream cheese and then here is the genius part, put your capers in the cream cheese  so they don’t roll off.

Brilliant. Wish I came up with it. What is a caper anyways? Is it a vegetable? I don’t really know, or care, I just know I love me some capers.

 Now, top with a few slivers of raw red onion.

 HEAR ME OUT. I’m not really an “onion person” much less any kind of onion being served RAW. But this just adds something unspeakably divine to the amalgum of flavor sensations in the finished product.

Top with fresh tomato.

If it has been grown in your garden and has been freshly picked then bring it on.

Now crack open your smoked salmon. But beware, sometimes when you open a package of smoked salmon this happens:

Shall we go in for a closer look?

Moo-nanners is watching my every move. I’m suddenly very self conscious.

The finished product, all for me. (insert devious laugh here.)

Make for yourself, or someone you love, but mostly for yourself- be sure to put it on a pretty plate- and enjoy.

We waited in line at the Borders in Atlanta for four hours, but it was totally worth it to meet the Pioneer Woman, sister Betsy, and best friend Hyacinth. If you are not “in the know” about P-Dub, please familiarize yourself with one of the best blogs I’ve ever read over at www.thepioneerwoman.com. She writes amazing recipes (and I mean amazing) and about her life as an “Accidental Country Girl”, her “Marlboro Man” and four beautiful children and her adorable basset hound Charlie.  Oh, and get her book while you’re at it. You know you want to.

I don’t know why we’re all leaning over like this, but whatever.  I was just happy to meet the lady. And she was delightful. She was signing and smiling for hours. What a trooper.

Oh and kniters, I totally geeked out and made her a gift. (I have a strange compulsion to give objects I’ve knat to complete strangers.) I made a very practical headband that will keep  ears warm without messing up the ‘do’. I took no photos of the thing, I just gifted it. It was a fun night.

Le geek, C’est chic.

Take me to your leader.

It was my birthday yesterday. We had a cookout on Sunday with an alien theme, I went as a vulcan (sort of) and Jeff was Men in Black.  He grilled in a full suit for effect, THAT is dedication.

My galaxy defender.

There were a lot of these:

And these:

And this:

And green cupcakes:

By the time it was all said and done I was covered in water, bbq sauce, green icing, bubble goo and unidentifiable schmootz. In short it was a perfect day. Thanks for everyone who came bearing offspring to make 32 extra special!

(See all the photos HERE.)

I tried to made a cake last weekend in the shape of a Croatian flag for Josip’s 30th. His lovely and thoughtful wife tried –and succeeded– in bringing a bit of his homeland to him for his birthday since his new home is here and not over there.

I say I tried because as the side by side will show you, I got a little lazy with the shield and just sort of said “fuck it” there at the end.

But the cake itself was yummy. I focused on making it so just in case it wasn’t real pretty. I used regular yellow cake but made two thin sheet cakes and sandwiched raspberry jam in between the layers. I then iced it with whipped cream cheese icing and since red food coloring + icing almost always yields pink (not to mention the fact that I was correct in my deduction that precision with icing and stripes would not be plausible for me) I used decorators sugar and a piece of paper to get the sparkly stripes. Decorator’s sugar was easy to find and an awesome value at $1.89 a shaker with an added bonus that I only used a wee bit.

The birthday boy liked it so I felt it to be a culinary triumph if not an exact replica. The kids went NUTS over who got the biggest piece of the “shield,” which, for those that are curious, was made of piped white chocolate, twizzlers and Mike &Ike.

I aim to please.

That is the sound of belly laughter. I’ve found two fantastic new blogs that will probably preoccupy much of my nonexistant free time in the near future.

Number One: Stuff White People Like, a detailed list of items and why white people like them. Of particular hilarity are the posts on Political Prisoners, Menus without decimals and hummus. I am quite fond of this post entitled #104: Girls with Bangs: ahem, an excerpt, if you will: “In fact, if you went to high school with a nerdy white girl who moved to a big city, there is a good chance she will show up to your high school reunion with this haircut.” Except for the ‘big city’ I’m THAT girl.

No, not THAT girl.

This girl:

I like it mostly because now I have validation that I don’t have to rethink my transition back into the realm of bangdom.

And new favorite blog Number Two: Cakewrecks, a blog devoted entirely to the confectionery faux pas. Nothing better than misspelled or inappropriate sentiments rendered in butter cream. I personally like the selection in the post “Presidential Sweet” (nothing like a good pun) and the cheap-ass mom that made her children share a birthday cake, the wretched birthday cake with two themes.  tisk tisk.

Happy Friday!

I made these last weekend:

My mother gave me the book Hello Cupcake this Christmas. Ok, so it is probably the favoritest Christmas gift in the history of Christmas gifts other than the iPod. Oh and the George Foreman grill with interchangeable plates. But Hello Cupcake is the BEST cupcake book ever! Ok, so it is the only one I have or have ever seen, but I lurves it!

Anyhoo, I wanted to make the Aliens, but it was insisted that for a baby shower, I make the stupid babies.

So I did.

They were cute.

And tasty.

And messy.

It really isn’t the hokey-pokey?

Nope. This is love. THIS is what it is really all about. I’ve finally uploaded T’giving pics to my flickr, check them out.

This link is a clip from one of my Dad’s college football games. He played at Tech. He is the offensive cornerback in the first play that dives over the guy that ducks. Yeah, I have no idea what I just said right there but it sounded cool-right? You see his number (33) for like a half a heartbeat.

Isn’t that neat? No photos to show for myself yet from the recent trip, I’m waiting for the emails that will have them attached. I’m back at home and need to do laundry for about a month. Also I need to get myself on a treadmill. Did I mention the food? The food was unfreakin’ believeable. I learned how to make THE tamales- a family holiday dish we all clamor for (and unsurprisingly a grand pain in the ass.)  But I’m glad I will preserve this family tradition. I will invite a select few to come over when I make them to learn and/or provide *free* slave labor. Did I mention what a pain in the arse they were to assemble? And how they have to be “just right” before you steam them or everything will just ooze right out?

(*You will be paid in tamales!)

One of my oldest friends Jen (of SugarChef fame) was on TV!  She looks so good… and so smart… and with such pretty cakes- check her out HERE. Um,  “Jade” didn’t seem to be paying very much attention. I noticed that my girl Jen had to repeat herself several times (I hate that.) I’ll bet Jade could use a session with my therapist on active listening techniques and not just waiting for her turn to talk, you know?

I’m mostly teasing. Jen rocked. Because she is a culinary rock star you know. Not many in the world so yes, I’m proud.

Of course I do like cake. Making them, not eating them. And reading about making them. Oh, and watching shows about making them.  Ace of Cakes is still my guilty pleasure show on the food network, mostly because I like to watch them flip their shit out over deadlines and cakes falling apart and then the stoner/cake designer/fix-it-man “Geoff” swoops in with his monotone voice and his bag of tricks and manages to always save the day just barely before the bride/client/celebrity/birthday boy walks in. Or it could be edited to heighten t.v. drama, I dunno.

I love my mother. Having an awesome mom rocks. I had a BIG night at work tonight, a triumph if you will, and my loverly mother also came up to help me…. paint. No, actually, to help me drink. But we looked at the paint in the can and said, yup, that’s a can of paint.

She brought me almonds.

And an article about why almonds are the awesomest food in the world.

(Look at her reading about the health benefits of almonds as she peels some teensy weensy cheese rounds.)

She also brought two bottles of wine, and a verrrrrry nice little sleeping pill -for use in an emergency “pity party” only, and not as a chaser for the wine. The photo is bad and dark but I care not, much like how I will feel when this little miracle of modern chemistry is imbibed.

(See my standard quarter for scale? That’s how I roll.) Along with our meal of teensy cheese, we had almonds. Of course we wouldn’t want to have an unbalanced diet, now would we? As we talked and laughed, we stealthily played one of our all-time favorite games. We sliced the cheese rounds, thinner and thinner. With each slice of the knife, we were taunting one another, daring each other to put it out of its misery. I whisper with my glance “just eat it, you know you want to.” But she who eats the last of the cheese is the loser and neither of us wants that. So we shared the last little bit of the coveted white squooshy cheese (I don’t remember what kind I bought, but it was elaborately packaged and super-fancy).

Don’t her nails look purty? I’d like to have nice nails someday, but I have “little girl hands” and apparently always will-what with all the painting, crafting, needle work and other artistic endeavors, why bother with super sexy nails? but I covet them secretly…

In other news. I’m escaping this weekend on an adventure and I just can’t wait. More to follow. Have a wicked cool weekend!