Dismal. Bleak. Sad. I’m so tired of my own gloomy nature. My blog is so freaking depressing, if I were a reader I’d probably contemplate a hose, an exhaust pipe and a garage door right about now.
I apologize. I don’t know how to dig myself out of this, I’m still so low and sad, sad, sad all the time. Exercise has hit a plateau for bringing me up, it can only lift me so high for so long before I tumble back (and I may be entertaining a little compulsive behavior that I don’t have the stamina for in the long run.) Nights are still the worst. I am afraid to see my next cell phone bill, I may need to increase my minutes… mental note to do that today.
No personal progress. Work is hard, I’ve hit a wall here and don’t know what to do with myself. Art jobs are hard to come by and I’ve got a pretty good one (on paper) and don’t know of other prospects.
Repainting- stalled. Not so much fun by myself. Nothing is fun by myself and I’m so lonely. Knitting, started a bit, now stalled a tad. The joy of the activity may be irrevocably lost, I just don’t know yet.
I think I’m wallowing now. But I don’t have time to wallow. I have a show to do. I can’t keep up the appearance of having myself all “together” forever, maybe this is where I crash and burn.
I sure hope not. I’m of the feeling that no man is worth totally losing it, no matter how much I want to give in a little and be an unwashed mumbling to myself mess. I’ve already lost so much- my self esteem, my faith, trust, hope and love- I’m simply refuse to lose my professionalism and respect. He just can’t have it.
Ok. Keeping it together (ish.) Positive thoughts the rest of the day, okay?
