Spazzmanda

Le geek, C’est chic.

Take me to your leader.

It was my birthday yesterday. We had a cookout on Sunday with an alien theme, I went as a vulcan (sort of) and Jeff was Men in Black.  He grilled in a full suit for effect, THAT is dedication.

My galaxy defender.

There were a lot of these:

And these:

And this:

And green cupcakes:

By the time it was all said and done I was covered in water, bbq sauce, green icing, bubble goo and unidentifiable schmootz. In short it was a perfect day. Thanks for everyone who came bearing offspring to make 32 extra special!

(See all the photos HERE.)

I have neglected the old blog, and I’m sorry. Mostly I’m sorry, but I’m also pretty happy and busy in a good way. I’m still doing my thing, but between the new job and the new lease on life (focusing on taking care  of myself, working out a lot, reading, etc.) I”m tapped out. I’m currently reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (an early b-day gift from Jeff) it is a hysterical melding of two of my favorite things- Jane Austen books and zombie lore. I’m a freak, I know it.

So, here are some highlights from the past month.

Early in May I took a mental health day and visited Babs, we rode our bikes at the Chattahoochee River Park, turtles were basking in the sun on river rocks and the honeysuckle was blooming and it smelled awesome. We ate Mexican food and had pedicures. In short, it was a perfect day.

I started another lace shawl (because I’m a masochist) and at this rate it will literally  take me a hundred years to finish it, but I like the challenge. I knit without life lines and with a ‘close enough’ approach to lace that would probably have most knitters cursing and ripping, ripping, ripping. I’d rather the product be flawed and my sanity intact rather than focus too much on perfection. Is that crazy? The pattern is Muir, and FREE on knitty. The yarn is pretty and I’m so scattered I can’t find the label, so I just call it “Wool Awesomeness Gifted to me by the Lovely Claudia“. (the colors are much deeper than in this crappy photo.)

I saw the new Star Trek Movie with these crazy people:

Even if you weren’t a huge fan, it was still an awesome movie. I’m not sure there is anything else coming out this summer that I am really stoked about…

I hung out a lot with this guy:

And last week I did a “favor” for Miss Foxy by posing for a wicked cool picture for her. Sure I had to bounce on a trampoline in my underwear  at night while Jeff blew bubbles at me, but what are friends for? It is such a CHORE having a mega-talented artist take your photo… (that was sarcasm, did you catch it?)

My summer is off with a bang. Hopefully there are more fun things that I’ll be able to write and I’ll have the time to post more frequently.

My mom surprised me yesterday with a Mother’s Day thank you for making her a mother. (I know, gulp.) And she gave me a copy of one of my favorite photos of us together, I was about 2 here, she looks the same… almost. (Mom, I still miss your gap, it was SO Lauren Hutton.)

I had a lot of hair for a 2-year old, and some crazy brows. I’ll see if I can’t rustle up a more embarrassing photograph from my ‘in between’ years. Probably something with glasses, braces, a bad perm and a flute. It will be real nice, I promise.

I have been knitting, I swear… just more slowly and with less progress, but I have selected some ambitious projects, I’m trying not to sweat it. I ordered the kit from Knit Picks for Mr. Foster the sock monkey (with the cute little pj’s!) Well, I’ve finished the monkey, now I’m working on his clothes, but it is about to be summer,maybe I’ll make him a little mankini or something.

Here is my monkey, Osvaldo:

Do you want to touch my monkey? He won’t mind.

I had some professional portraits of my Mother and Grandmother for a Mother’s Day gift this year. Now, the little old lady wasn’t really “into” it, she griped when I suggested the idea back in March. She bitched when I set the date last month, “I’m not going to buy any.” She complained when I told her what I thought she should wear (even though she asked me previously that week.) She grumped in the car on the way and almost to the moment we got out of the car at the site- “I don’t like to have my picture taken.” But for Fox, she was on her best behavior. In fact, the word ‘lovely’ might be applicable in this case and we were able to steal a few special moments like this one:

(Mamama gets a cookie for being the only one looking at the camera and apparently being REALLY funny.) And another of my personal favorites, this is about right:

I am truly blessed to have a talented photographer in the framily. I’m so glad that I made this happen, documenting our relationship in this way is going to be even more special and meaningful in the future (it’s special and meaningful now!) I highly recommend that if you have the slightest inclination to do a family portrait, go ahead and make it a reality immediately. You’ll thank yourself.

I also highly recommend that if you need a photographer, you call on my girl Fox at Celestial Photography in Gainesville. She has a gift, truly.

Do you like tomatoes? I know I do, and until this year, I’ve relied heavily on my mother’s garden for the production of my summer ‘maters. That was until the Topsy Turvy Tomato Tree came into my life like a bright beacon of hope this Easter courtesy of Jeff. How ever did he know?

Well, I might have said something like “A Topsy Turvy Tree would make a kick-ass Easter present” once or maybe five times. I like to spell things out for him so there is never any confusion.

My reign as a plant killer is coming to an end. Somehow this year will be different. This year, I won’t kill another tomato plant. This year I’ll have a tomato harvest of my own, and YES! this year I’ll have to GIVE the suckers away, they will be that plentiful.

Check out my TTTT (I have two, you know.)

Ok, so they aren’t the exact ones from the infomercial. The one that was, like, $60 bucks AND another $20 in shipping and handling (I’ll have MY tomato tree un-handled please. Perverts.) It did, however, come with its own stainless steel stand and could hold three plants. Maybe next year I’ll upgrade to the fancier pot, but I’m pretty happy with these two.

This is the modified version available at Walgreens, CVS, Walmart, just about everywhere I look actually. It holds one plant per unit (tee hee, I said unit) we were smart and planned on it getting very heavy (i.e. read a review with warnings about anticipating the weight of the plant, dirt and a billion tomatoes) and hung them on 200lb hooks from my porch. I water daily (or, at least, Jeff does) and we (meaning he) fertilize them every 10 days or so. There is a root explosion going on inside, I just know it, and little yellow flowers all over them (I heretell that’s a good thing) and they are at least twice the size they were a week ago, thank heavens for all the rain. This sucker is going to work, I tell you. It was written up as a top invention in Reader’s Digest and all that crap, there are photos of lush tomato plants with lots of ‘maters all over these here internets, so I know, I KNOW it will work.

I’m so excited.

And my T-Turv can’t hide it!

I’m about to lose control and I think I like it (oh yeah!)

To continue with the Mother-themed posts for Mother’s Day week, here is a fantastic photo of my mother from the recent photo shoot with my mother and grandmother courtesy of Fox at Celestial Photography (her photos of us are so awesome, more to follow on that later.)

One look at this face and suddenly, I get the feeling that I’ve missed curfew. Or I forgot to unload the dishwasher or mow the lawn (tee hee.)

She obviously doesn’t approve of something… Foxy, what DID you say to her that made her shoot you “the look.”

Fun Fact Number 1:

Mycurrent vehicle was purchased from an actual old lady and I like to drive it slowly anywhere I need to go. (I also will make 3 right turns to avoid turning left on a busy road or intersection, a point on which I was busted on just this very weekend by my man. He was very amused.)

Fun Fact Number 2:

THIS is one of my best friends:

Fun Fact Number 3:

I have cats. Errr, several, in fact.

Fun Fact Number 4:

I like to knit. If I were not employed, everything in the house would be donning some sort of ‘cozy’.

Fun Fact Number 5:

I listen to Neil Diamond (and I know all the words.) I sing Neil’s songs with wild abandon and without a care in the world nor any notice of the fact that I lack any discernible musical skill. (Love you, Neil.)

Fun Fact Number 6:

I have a leopard print trench coat.

And I wear it.

Fun Fact Number 7:

I scare/surprise ridiculously easily. (Not sure that I should have shared that one.) I also side-seat drive like A LOT and make various noises of displeasure when Jeff makes vehicular maneuvers that aren’t the least bit old-ladyish.

Fun Fact Number 8:

I like to cook/bake and entertain with the primary purpose of feeding crowds of people, and when they are finished, I thrust more food upon them when they are already full. (Kind of exactly like this lady.)

Fun Fact Number 9:

I have *sob* gray hairs.

Fun Fact Number 10:

I like this song (and the new commercial that goes with it) quite a bit:

When I grow up, I want to be an Old Woman

In honor of Mother’s Day Week, go call or squeeze an old woman today. If you don’t have one, let me know, you can borrow one of mine- but I want her back in just as good or better condition I lent her.

UPDATE: I forgot my most interesting embarrassing LOL (little ol’ lady) factoid! I love infomercials and often buy things ‘as seen on tv.’ (Usually after a sleepless drunken night.) I’d love to have a Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator. I do so adore my Magic Bullet blender/drink maker. Admit it, you’d love to own a Sham Wow. You know you would. I’m pretty much Billy May’s bitch or, at least, I’d like to be.

My most recent items to come into my possession include: Not one but TWO Topsy Turvy Tomato Trees (Jeff got them for me for Easter. The plants are positively THRIVING, so more on the Topsy phenomenon to follow this summer!) A set of hair Bumpits (also working, so far, today) and the Smooth Away hair removal system -which Jeff says is just sandpaper that I could buy at Home Depot for a quarter and that I’m essentially sanding my arm hair and a layer of skin off in the delicate ‘removal’ process and that is why there is some slight “stinging” and mild skin irritation. I told him the infomercial says that it is ‘exfoliating’ for a nice smooth, hair free surface. The jury is still out.

One of my favorite sisters came into town this weekend for an all too brief visit. (I have two almost sisters that I love dearly and how I got to be related to them goes back to that framily construct I spoke of earlier.)

It just so happened to be the weekend of the celebration of Jeff’s birth (so very, very, very long ago) but she, unfortunately, couldn’t stay for the festivities. (more to follow on the birth festivities later.)

She did, however, provide much amusement and ass whoopery (she gets people motivated like no other, I’m glad she’s on my side.) We took our own tour of the new hospital wing on Sunday, I was there to see the art, she (a nurse) was there to ask all the smart questions and look behind doors that we weren’t supposed to. I’ll miss her so much until she next descends upon us in July.

Here’s to you, Kimberly, thanks for making time for us during your very abbreviated stay!

Ever irrecoverably lost luggage on an airline?  Well, apparently, there is this person that collects lost luggage, photographs its contents, places it on a website and tries to find its owner.

Down to each pair of panties and stray sock or flip flop.

Sort of a nasty little hobby, albeit one with seemingly altruistic intentions.

Check it out HERE.